i don’t even remember the last time i ate something and didn’t think about how fat it would make me..
Do you ever just feel so trapped inside your own body?
I’ll take any high just to feel alive like I did with you.
Me- *le scrolling through bathing suits on the internet*
*goes to the plus size section*
*states that my bestfriend has this one*
Boyfriend- “Why would she shop in that section? Shes not even big.”
My Brain- “HE THINKS YOURE FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOUR BESTFRIEND IS SO MUCH PRETTIER I DONT KNOW WHY HE HASNT LEFT YOU YET YOU DISGUSTING FUCKING PIG.”
If you had an eating disorder maybe you would understand how my thought process went. Yes, I KNOW I sound crazy but this disorder outweighs my logic. I KNOW you have to eat and that its a natural body function but that doesnt stop my brain from making me feel disgusting afterward.
I have trouble deciphering whats logical and whats not. I think to myself “You lost your friends becuase your fat and ugly and no one wants to be seen with someone like you.” And then my sane side thinks “Thats a terrible excuse for friends to leave your side.” and then you realize that theyre now friends with people much prettier than you. Bring on the sadness.